Successful people control their emotions. There’s no excuse for bad behaviour.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to tune into your own feelings and the feelings of others. Learning these soft skills is as important as learning the so-called hard ones.
Mastering your emotions is a big part of being emotionally intelligent.
Less emotionally intelligent people get themselves into a state called an ‘amygdala hijack’. The amygdala is an almond-shaped structure in the limbic system that is the seat of intense emotions like aggression and fear. When these emotions flood, their blood pressure escalates and wham! They blow their top.
After the episode they often excuse themselves, saying they can’t help it, or are just highly passionate people or that they get stressed trying to make everything perfect. They might blame others for provoking them, or not appreciating or supporting them.
Neuroscience proves that people who stay calm under pressure have lower levels of cortisol. And guess what, the silverback gorilla, who has a higher status than other gorillas, has lower levels of cortisol than the rest of the troop. They have mastered their response to stress triggers.
Dominance comes from controlling emotions, not throwing your weight around. Shouting at others is never OK and scaring people does nothing for performance or motivation. I’ve been shocked by the number of people who say this still goes on.
If you find yourself typing “am I too sensitive?” into search engines, the answer is most likely a firm NO. You are at the wrong end of someone else’s lack of emotional intelligence, not a snowflake.
So, take a lesson from the silverback gorilla and don’t let your amygdala, or anyone else’s, hijack your Christmas.
Do feel free this to share this round your own troop.
Effects of regular and prolonged exposure to high cortisol levels
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Sources:
Goleman, D. 1996. Emotional Intelligence: Why It Matters More Than IQ. New York: Bantam Books
Swart, Tara. 2019. The Source: Open Your Mind, Change Your Life. London, UK: Penguin Random House