Welcome back. Many of us seem to have hit the ground running after the holidays and it’s easy to forget our good intentions to improve the way we live and work.
One of my clients said last week that she felt her well-being was at 4/10 and she wants to feel 8/10 by this time next year. She has written down smaller, micro goals – practical steps she can take immediately to start eliminating the stressors and get her energy back. How great would it be to get exactly what you want this year? Here’s a simple four stage process for both radical change and small improvements:
1. Know what you want
It may be obvious but not everyone does. That’s the reason why so many interviewees crash and burn when asked that simple question. Exactly what do you want to have achieved by the end of this year? How do you want to be different? Why is this important to you? How will you notice the difference? How will others notice it? Specifically what part of the change will make you happier?
We’re looking for behaviours that need to change, actions you need to take, stated desires and needs. ‘I want to be selected for Partnership in 2017’. ‘I want to cut back to a 4 day week by December.’ ‘I don’t want to do the minutes for every team meeting this year.’ One is usually enough, more than three and your focus is diluted. Singular focus on your most significant need/goal is what we are aiming for. Write what you want in a few words and make it important; the best goals are EXACT ones: explicit, exciting, accessible, challenging and time framed.
It’s natural to find yourself sliding into the old habits and patterns that hold you back, particularly when you feel under pressure. Get yourself back on track with support from people who believe in you and will keep you accountable.
2. Value yourself
You get what you expect. You also get what you are prepared to tolerate.
If you don’t take yourself and your needs seriously it’s unlikely that other people will. Successful people articulate what they want and will risk feeling vulnerable in order to get it. They value their time and contribution and tend not to let others over-step their boundaries. As a result, they feel less resentful and overwhelmed by the stress of other people’s unrealistic expectations.
Think of someone you admire and ask yourself what they would do in your situation – would their expectations be higher?
3. Communicate your needs
If you need something from others in order to achieve what you want, it’s your responsibility to ask for it. It’s not their responsibility to work it out. People can’t read your mind. You can’t expect to get what you want if you haven’t stated precisely what that is. I’m amazed by managers who moan about their people’s performance but haven’t made their expectations crystal clear. It would be really nice if everyone thought the way you do, but it is irrational to think they will all the time. If you need a report by Friday at 3 pm then say so, not ‘asap’.
Asking directly for what you want is being assertive. Dropping hints in a passive-aggressive, ‘the copier won’t un-jam itself’ way, is counter-productive. Explain the context and what you want to be different. Stay calm and firm and never get personal. Usually the other person will mirror your tone. Even difficult, aggressive people respect assertive people who can stand up for themselves, although they might not show it at the time.
Avoid starting with an apology, as that puts you on the back foot immediately. (‘I’m sorry to bother you with this, but I haven’t had a pay-rise for the last three years, and um…’) You rarely get more than you ask for, so don’t compromise. Ask for everything and negotiate if you need to.
4. Don’t let lack of confidence put you off
You may not be confident that you can get what you want, but knowing why it matters to you will give you the impetus to take those vital first actions. Daily sustainable changes, adjusting and correcting your progress towards micro goals, will keep you motivated. Confidence comes from action, not the other way round. Your confidence will grow as you hit milestones and see the change start to happen.
Make this the year you get your needs met. Please visit https://www.zenaeverett.com for details of how I can help you reach your full potential. I coach people in organisations looking to meet the challenges of their current role or get promoted, I provide career coaching for people changing jobs and returning to work and I also offer in-house career development/leadership training and outplacement programmes.
Warmest Wishes
Zena
Zena Everett
Executive Career Coach
zena@zenaeverett.com
0203 287 9505
…a kick ass coach who really helps people package up what they are great at and make career moves which make real sense…. Director, Marketing Communications
You are career magic – I have been offered both positions and I am totally stuck as to which to take! – Senior Civil Servant
My afternoon of coaching with Zena was invaluable in helping me understand my key strengths, focus on my career goals, and crucially translating these into clear and concise answers that I used to impress the Bloomberg panel. – Business Journalist