Do you ever get that niggling feeling that you should have achieved more? Or that what you have achieved isn’t quite good enough?
The web is groaning with content about career success. Failure is now seen not just as OK, but to be welcomed as a necessary precursor to success: the ‘no pain, no gain’ philosophy that inextricably ties success with struggle – J K Rowling’s ‘rock bottom became the solid foundation upon which I rebuilt my life’, etc. The vast majority of us don’t hit rock bottom and probably won’t reach J K Rowling’s monumental levels of success.
Most careers actually bump along in that vast grey area in the middle: no great failures but our Giant Within is never really awakened either. We get by, get the car/house/life we think we deserve and can talk about our work with a reasonable level of passion. But somehow, deep down, there is a feeling that ‘I Could Do Better.’ And as we get older, that becomes ‘I Should Have Done Better’.
That’s what I want to talk about here, this feeling that we have sort of failed. We haven’t even managed to fail greatly enough so that the pendulum will swing the other way to great success. I call this being an Average Failure (AF). ‘Average’ because most people, in fact, seem to feel this way, at least some of the time. And like most of our negative feelings, they come from an unhelpful and iirrational way of looking at things.
Here’s three thinking errors that make you feel less successful than you really are.
(1) You have set goals that are too long-term (and probably related to money).
I see this a lot. There’s a long-term vision but this isn’t broken down into short-term goals. “I will keep going until the business is sold/I make Senior Partner/the kids are through university and can support themselves.” The plates might be spinning, but you don’t feel motivated, particularly in comparison to how you felt earlier in your career. You are bored, you’ve lost pride in what you do, and have become the walking, commuting dead.
Don’t wait for your life to change in a single huge leap at the end of the career rainbow. You need those big dreams, but break them down into steps along the way. Create immediate goals and deadlines that get your energy back. What is the single biggest difference you can make now in order to achieve your ultimate goals? On that basis, where should you focus your attention and schedule your time? How will you measure your achievements, by when?
You don’t have to change jobs or do anything drastic. Just change your focus so you feel like you are achieving again and are back in control. People who love their work are usually clear on what they do, why they do it and who benefits from their labours. They go to work to solve problems for others (stakeholders, clients, a broader community) rather than financial rewards. These will come, but as a by-product of success rather than the only measure of it.
(2) You think it’s a bad thing to have stayed inside your comfort zone.
You have no doubt been told that in order to be successful, you must challenge yourself, take risks and feel the fear. Tenacity doesn’t appear often as a value in organisations these days, we’re all a bit Bear Grylls instead.
Yet owning an area of expertise and making it comfortable is a real achievement. You’ve reached it through years of honest graft and refinement – your 10,000 + hours. I see greater performance from people who do a few things brilliantly and aren’t frightened to stick with something to get it perfect. There’s nothing wrong with being comfortable and satisfied with what you do. In the old days, it was great craftsmanship. In a knowledge economy, it’s your personal brand. An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field. – Niels Bohr, physicist and Nobel Prize winner.
The only problem is if you get too cosy and scared to try something new. Use your knowledge and networks as a base to develop from, when the timing is right. Career transitions evolve in steps from that position of comfort, not massive leaps into the unknown.
(3) You are working to someone else’s definition of career success.
The ‘what do you do? ’ question can provoke all sorts of reactions. Popular philosopher Alain de Botton says we are all ‘job snobs’ now. We judge others by their job title, usually with some degree of comparison or envy. Our perception of careers comes from many sources: our parents, the people we went to school/college with, and our peer group – colleagues, neighbours and friends.
We benchmark our extrinsic success against other people’s: where we think we ‘should’ be at by now. The anxiety this creates get in the way of logical career decision-making. What will people say if I give up this cosy job to take a risk in a start-up? Everyone else gets into work at 8.00 am but I want to drop the kids off – will I be taken seriously? I could do this job remotely but that’s never been done before; should I suggest it?
How we spend our time should fit with our own values and priorities, no one else’s. If you choose to work part-time so you can indulge your hobbies, that’s fine. If you are the only mum who rarely does pick-up, then that’s fine too. As long as it is your choice. If your goals aren’t aligned with your values, you won’t achieve them whole-heartedly. If they are, then they can become even more ambitious. What’s most important to you right now and does your diary reflect this?
I haven’t yet met someone who really has it all, all the time – that elusive balance between career status, material goods, wealth, intellectual challenge, physical fitness, leisure, family and friends, etc. It’s another unhelpful pressure to feel you ‘should’ have a better work/life balance. You might think other people are more successful at juggling than you, but they are probably thinking the same about you.
Now that you know you are more successful than you thought, what decisions should you make about your career?
Most people underestimate both what they have done in the past and what they are capable of doing next. It’s good to know that we aren’t alone in feeling like AFs but it’s such a shame that our perception gets in the way of pride in where we’ve got to. Unhelpful anxieties hinder achievement of our goals and become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Remove the doubts and think about raising the bar instead.
I hope this encourages you to appreciate what you have done so far and to build on it. What will you try next?
Please feel free to share this amongst your network, also to sign up to my mailing list on www.zenaeverett.com if you want to receive more information about my executive coaching, consulting or career strategy workshops. I coach high performers in organisations (usually at or working to Board level) as well as people looking for new opportunities through internal promotion or externally.
Warmest wishes
Zena
This article was first published by www.high50.com.